Oh, the places you'll go!: Some Dreams Change

I think this is record breaking... 4 blog posts in one day! Either I am on a role or have finally learned to master the balance between being a geographical single parent, homemaker and ME.

Reflecting

I came across an article tonight as I was reading the news that hit close. Perhaps someone else would read this article and think nothing more of it than another byproduct of sequestration and the evolution of our military, but it was more personal to me. It caused me to reflect on who I was just a few short years ago, and like many stay at home moms do, I thought just how different my life would be if I never married or had children.

Me at an air show in California (1990 - 5 years old)

That Was Once Me

The article was about the ending era of the US Air Force's close air support twin engine jet aircraft... The A-10. So why is this so personal to me? Well this isn't just any air craft. It was once my dream. Not too long ago, I was a slimmer, more athletic, more opportunistic Tara. I was going to be an officer in the US Air Force.

Most people in the community I am apart of know me as Rob's wife. Robby's mom. The girl with the house that always smells great. They know that Rob and I have known eachother since we were 13, and the Rob had his heart set on me from early on. What a lot of people don't know is that I wasn't always with Rob. In fact, I didn't think my perfect life plan included him at all. I was on the fast track to becoming something worth while. Something worth accomplishing. Something I knew I was good at. I was in AFROTC at the University of Central Florida with hopes to obtain that coveted rated pilot slot and to fly an air craft that I saw as a means for me to get as close to the front lines and into the fight as possible. I wanted to fly the A-10.

My time in ROTC was anything but easy. I ran into wall after wall with trying to obtain medical waivers, waivers for me to be on a 2 year program, to get into Field Training without being contracted (due to pending medical waivers). Each obstacle I hit just made me that more determined and made me want it that much more. After my first year, I won my slot to Field Training after being told I wouldn't get one because I was not contracted. I pushed through and left FT as a distinguished graduate and an invitation to return as a CTA (Cadet Training Assistant) the following year. Upon returning to my detachment I was complemented with the position of squadron commander. I would wake up every other day at 4am, drive to my detachment 60 minutes away for PT and LeadLab and for my required classes before driving back home for my full time job. In my free time, I worked hard to increase my PCSM score. I would compete to receive free flight hours in the 172 and would be as involved as much as I could in our wing. Even writing this now, I feel like I am writing about someone else. But this was once me.

Getting some free flight time (2008)

Graduation of Field Training(2009)

Posing with a fellow DG at the completion of FT. We were given "butter bars" to wear inside our cover until commissioning (2009)

Flying in a KC-135(2009)

I Let Go of Something Good

I left ROTC at a pinnacle time. I was about to finally be contracted. I was about to commission. I started my masters degree. While all those things were steps to obtaining my dream of flying, and flying the A-10 at that, I let them go.

In 2009 I began my first semester as an undeclared graduate student. I had graduated in the middle of my 2 year program in ROTC and I had to remain a full time student until I commissioned and completed ROTC. I was getting a head start on something valuable as an officer, that was until October 1, 2009. A dear friend from high school was killed in action while serving a 5th tour overseas. Sgt Robert Sanchez was an Army Ranger and a dear friend of mine who I would talk to on a weekly to monthly basis. He was someone who inspired me to, yes, be all I could be. He didn't talk much about himself, but offered great advice to help me along my way, and that advice came from a place of wisdom only a solider with his experience would have. He was the one person who would tell me personal experiences of how the A-10 was mission essential, and perhaps that is why I was attracted to that aircraft. Coping with his death was hard. It wasn't the first time I had lost a friend, sadly, but it was hard because it put a reality on just how dangerous it is serving in the military.

My now husband, Rob, and I had just rekindled our flame and began dating long distance since June. He was a new pilot student in Kingsville, Texas and we were crazy about each other. Rob was very supportive of my career path, but we tried not to talk about our future, as what future would we have if he was to be a Navy pilot and I an Air Force pilot. After Rob Sanchez's death, I forced myself to think about our future. One of the last conversations I had with Rob Sanchez before his deployment was at my parents house. He had only come over to return something I left in his car, but stayed for a while. You see, my parents were home and my sister had brought her then 4 and 1 year olds there. It was family time and it was something that Rob never got enough of. Rob sat on the bar stool and looked around and said he wanted 'this'. He was referring to being home with family. We know that Rob never got to come home to that, but as someone who wasn't contracted yet and had my degree, I wasn't obligated to any certain path like Rob Sanchez was when he deployed. I was in love and knew that I had to let go of something good if I wanted something better.

In 2009, I left ROTC. I lost some close friends who just didn't understand why I would give everything up to move to Kingville with my then boyfriend, but I knew I wanted what Rob Sanchez had wanted. I wanted to be home, I wanted something that I couldn't have if I committed myself to service. I am lucky to say that I am writing this blog from home today. I let go of something good, and I found something so much more than I could have ever dreamed.

The End of an Era

Reading the article of the A-10 brought back some great memories of a time when I was dead set on on a dream. But as the A-10 has finally reached its final days, I had reached beyond what being an Air Force pilot could offer. I ended my time as Cadet Miner and started the biggest adventure of my life. An adventure that no A-10 could offer me. I am happily married to my best friend, yes a Navy pilot, and a mother to an incredible son that we have been blessed with. The article may read an end of an era, but to me it helps bring me to the realization that my adventure is the greatest one of all and it has just begun.